Hallucinations and Distractions
by 4jessicka4
Summary: What happens if Edward doesn't come back and Bella's hallucinations get worse? What if letting Jacob in is her only chance of being normal again? A very gory/different view of things. It's my first fic so play nice! :D BxJ and some of E
1. The Beginning

**So this is basically the part in New Moon when they almost kiss but the phone rings...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

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Standing in my kitchen after the one and only fight me and jacob had ever had, I was feeling horrible. I shoudn't have left him like this just because Alice visited! I stared into his eyes trying to justify to myself why I should let this happen. He leaned closer and I could feel the heat emanating from his body and his breath against my face. He was inching towards me and slid his arms around my waste, pulling me to him. RING! RING! Rudely interupted by the phone… I decided to ignore it. This seemed more important anyway. RING! RING!. Jacob reached around me and picked up the reciever, he hung it up then pulled the phone out of the wall. His eyes bore into mine and for that moment nothing mattered. Not the gaping emptiness in my chest, not Victoria, not the mysterious flame on the water, not the funeral, not the halucinations, not even Alice whose somewhere nearby. Jacob was what mattered. Jake, who had been so loyal to me for so long just for me to leave him at the drop of a hat when Alice came by. My personal sun, my last bit of happiness. How can I deny hime this now?

"Bella… " He whispered to my lips "I just want you to be happy" He forced out of his throat with a pained expression.

That decided it, at least he wanted me to be happy. I reached up and tangled my fingers into his hair. A huge smile spread across his face before I got on my toes and kissed him with as much effort as possible. Edward… what about edward? I can't do this to him. But why not? His not coming back and Alice won't stay with me because of him. I waited for the ache in my torn insides but instead all I felt was warmth. Jacob was keeping me whole. His lips were so soft yet unrestrained. A part of me was wanting these lips to be cold but a larger part was telling me that this was what I wanted, what I needed. I parted my lips and gave hime entry, that's when we lost control. I held him as close as I could and he lifted me off the ground. Before I knew it I was on my back on the couch and Jacobs chest was heaving with mine. I pulled back to look at his face, id never seen Jake so full of passion, his eyes were black. Then he shook his head back to present.

"oh god, I'm so sorry. I just…" he stammered.

"Don't Jake. That was... wow" Words failed me. Here we were on the couch and I hadn't felt this happy since, well if I was being honest, since edward. Again I didn't feel the ache. Just the guilt of feeling unfaithful. Then again why should i?

"that's an understatement" he smiled like the jacob I used to know.

"Jake we need to talk. There's some things you don't know about me and I feel you need to know the extent of the damage before this goes any further." I pushed him off and sat up, avoiding all eye contact. He sat up beside me but twined his fingers with mine.

"Anything, Bella, we can fix this. I'll allways be here for you. I'll never leave. I know you love the Cullens and that's something I can deal with, as long as I know where I stand. I realise your feelings from him will never change and as much as it hurts me, it hurts you more. I see that now. I want to help, really, just tell me what I need to do."

Tears welled up in my eyes, I had to look at him. He looked scared, like he'd said something wrong. Jacob would do anything for me and at the moment I was pathetic enough to accept. My chest tightened with pain but not for need of Edward, it was the need to let him go. I can't forget him, but I need to let him go. Jake will help me, He won't leave. How could I have been so horrible to my best friend? Is it fair of me to do this to him when I'm so broken.. he deserves better. Jakes hand intertwined with mine moved to wipe my tears away.

"okay. I need you so much Jake. I need you to understand something. You remember the day I came to you with the bi-"

"RING! RING!" my cell phone rang this time! How rude! This is far too important to.. argh! I got up and stormed over to the counter. "one second Jake" I said irritated with angry tears coming. I picked up the phone and openned it.

"Hello?" I said in the most annoyed tone I could manage.

"Bella…" Whispered a terrifyingly familiar voice. I froze in place and waited for the angel to speak again, but all I heard was a dial tone. That did it, I fell to the floor and clutched my stomach. This hurt too much, my insides felt like they were contracting into a tight ball. My lungs felt squeezed like there wasn't enough room to breath. My breaths came sharp and struck my throat like a knife. I hadn't even noticed Jacob had moved me into his lap on the ground and was repeating my name.

"Shh, Bella, It's okay. It's okay. " he wrapped me in his arms and softly rubbed circles round my back. This brought on a whole new round of tears as I wrapped my arms round his waste like a life raft.

"J-Jake, I don't d-deserve you as a f-friend." I stutered through tears.

"Bella, you deserve to be happy. And you have no idea how much I don't deserve YOU. I love you. I drive the pack crazy, your'e in my every thought and dream. It would probably scare you how much I love you. Am I scareing you now? Please stop crying." He whispered in my ear, making it feel warm and tingly against my cold skin. I shivered and leaned into him. "Bella, your freezing! Let me warm you up. Oh that came out wrong.. I'm sorry." He moved me too the couch and seated me in his lap. He warmed my arms up until I stopped crying and evened my breathing.

"Your'e not scaring me Jake" I couldn't help but smile "So as I was saying about the motorbikes…"I explained to him the whole story about the hallucinations and why I jumped off the cliff. His body stiffened for the most part, but at least he listened. I told him about the nightmares and how I'd become incapacitated with pain. He wasn't so shocked at the pain part, but he didn't know it was so bad. He didn't bring up the phone call that sent me into convulsions, of that I was happy for, but I dreaded that I'd have to talk to alice when she got back. Why did he call? Was it even him or was it my mind?

"Jake I'm a very broken person right now. I don't know how to not think of him without forgetting him. I couldn't even hide my pain from Charlie. It hurts him too you know, and I feel so guilty for putting him through this. I don't think that I can make it through this without you anymore. I just… I don't want you to regret me like he did. I think you can do so much better than me Jacob." I finally looked up from my hands to see that jacob had a very conecntrated expression on his face. He was looking at me and thinking as if he was trying to word something correctly.

"You have no idea of how much I hate him. I'm sorry if that offends you but honestly, you were putting yourself in danger just to hear his voice Bella! He left you in such a state and it hurts me too you know. Everytime you clutched your stomach I wandered how much it really hurt. And now that I know, well… it just makes me all the more mad at him. He did this to you, that filthy blood-"

"THAT will be enough THANK YOU!" Interrupted Alice from the top of the stairs. I didn't even hear her come in. I was still in Jacob's lap and now I felt slightly uncomfortable. What would alice think of me snuggling with a werwolf? Jacob moved me off his lap and behind him then shifted protectively over me. This in fact, made me angry.

"Bella I really need to talk to you. I was going to wait until fleebag here left, but it appears he has no intention of leaving! You see, I need to tell you without him here. It's the only way" Alice looked at me sympathetically then turned her scowl back to jacob.

"Alice don't call hi-" I was interupted.

"No, I don't think you SHOULD talk to her! You have no idea, you filthy leech, of what your brother has done to Bella!"

"Jacob Don't call he-" interupted again! Was I even in the room?

"Look DOG this is very important and my brother is non of YOUR concern! Please Bella, we don't have time. I need to warn you-" She was clearly offended by his comment.

KNOCK KNOCK! Oh great, another interruption. Was it international interupt Bella day??! It was probably Quil or Embry wandering if their brother made it out alive! Ugh, I really hate this vampire-warewolf enemy thing. I got up to get the door. I swung the door and everyone waited expectantly "Look, this really isn't the right ti-" then everything stood still.

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	2. The Shock

KNOCK KNOCK! Oh great, another interruption. Was it international interupt Bella day??! It was probably Quil or Embry wandering if their brother made it out alive! Ugh, I really hate this vampire-warewolf enemy thing. I got up to get the door. I swung the door and everyone waited expectantly "Look, this really isn't the right ti-" then everything stood still.

There he stood. My hallucinations didn't do him justice or maybe this was a hallucination and they'd just gotten more vivid. Yes, this was a hallucination, first the phone call and now I have completely lost it. But all the same, I embraced it. First I took in his perfect body. His perfectly carved chest was just how I remembered it. I took in everything from his feet to his neck before braceing myself for his perfect, heart-melting face. Then there it was… his angular jaw,his mouth twisted into my favourite smile, his perfect nose, his messy bronze hair, his deep honey gold eyes. And then I was lost, stairing at his eyes as he stared right back. I hadn't noticed I wasn't breathing until my body swayed. But I couldn't breath. Surely he'd dissapear if I took even just one breath. "Hello Bella.." he whispered and that's all it took. I couldv'e sworn I heard an exact replica of his voice and a cool sweet breath of air before everything went black. Pins and needles took over my body. I cursed the fact that blackness had consumed my vission of him. I felt butterflies in my stomach and a slight free fall before falling into a deep dream of nothing.

I woke up feeling very stiff. My eyes refused to open and my chest tightened with the realisation that I'd just been screaming. So it was all a dream then, another nightmare? Edward wasn't comeing back and Alice hadn't come over after seeing me jump off the cliff. As a matter of fact, I don't even remember falling asleep in the first place. I forced my eyes open, feeling disoriented. I awoke in a room that was so familiar, but it wasn't mine. I tried to sit up, but the moving walls told me otherwise, my head swirled with dizziness. I laid back down and tried to make sense of everything. Okay, so I'm in jakes room. Does that mean he brought me here after the cliff diving? That would make more sense then the alternative. The dream didn't make much sense anyway. Why would my halucination turn up if I wasn't in danger? And surely jacob wouldn't accept me so simply, not after I bombarded him like that. I stretched out my joints and rolled over, hitting something solid. My first thought said it was jacob. But as I got a better look I realised it was a cold dead corpse with bloodshot green eyes staring at me, the face was contorted painfully and blood drenched his body. Edward. I let out a blood curdling scream before wrenching myself out of bed, falling to the ground. My body felt wet. I looked down and my clothes were satcherated in blood. The screaming continued and I felt like I couldn't breath. CRACK! Edward sat up and cracked his mutilated jaw back into place. He was naked, but his body so covered in blood that you wouldn't notice. The left side of his chest was brutily ripped open and a shriveled black heart lay jammed inside with other various organs. He stared above my head while the dead heart beat out more blood.

"I can't do this anymore!" I let out through my repetitive screaming.

He suddenly glared down at me as if I'd shot him. I felt the power of his gaze physically. As if he was holding me to the ground.

"Have you ever been so lonely, no one there to hold? Pull me in or disown me and then climb inside. My arms are open wide. Have a look inside." He growled at me. He was purely animal as he snarled the puzzling words at me. I continued to scream as his unseen force began to crush me into the ground. I burried my face into the blood soaked carpet and prayed for someone to save me from this pain. I suddenly felt the weight lift. I looked up to the bed confused, but edward was gone. I looked back down and the blood was gone. I felt hands on my shoulders and jumped into the air screaming.

"Bella! It's just me! Jesus, I leave for two seconds to get milk and suddenly your screaming bloody murder. The neighbours thought I was killing you. They called the police and everything. Are you ok? What hapenned? Another bad dream?" Jacob stood with his palms faceing me, as if to show he wasn't going to harm me. I prayed for someone to save me and here he was. I staggered forward and landed into his arms crying.

"Jacob, Jacob I love you" I managed within sobs.

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"So what happened? Why am I here?" I asked, absolutely out of the loop.

"You don't remember?." I shook my head and looked confused. "Okay, I guess you need to know" We were sitting on Jacob's love seat after he calmed me down and made me some breakfast. I insisted on doing it but he really didn't think I should. What had hapenned? "Well let me start by saying youv'e been out for a good 24 hours. Now I wouldv'e taken you to the hospital but, well, we'll get to that later. So what's the last thing you remember?" he looked concerned.

"Well that's just it. I honestly don't know what the last thing I remember is. Because it all seems pretty dreamlike to me from the point I jumped off the cliff. Was that even real?" I stared blankly at my cerial, trying my hardest to remember.

"Well, I'll fill you from there then…" He filled me in on all the stuff that I remembered. I got increasingly nervouse as he edged towards the part I can't justify. "So then me and the bloodsucker started argueing and someone knocked on the door. I guess I was too preoccupied with alice to notice the smell" I put my cerial down and gripped the couch nervously. "Then I looked over and saw Quil at the door looking confused and clearly uncomfortable. You looked stiff as cardboard. He said that you wouldn't stop stairing at him, you were white as a ghost. So he decided to try and break your transe by saying hello. And then all of the sudden you fainted and hit the ground like a ton of bricks! Scared me half to death!" I breathed carefully so as not to let Jacob know there was something wrong. Which was hard considering he'd just confirmed that I was insane.

"So anyway, I knew you wouldn't want Charlie to know about the fainting, but I had to get you to the hospital. That leech friend of yours didn't like the sound of that. There was almost a fight until Embry got out of the car and she realised she was out numbered. She said that it was fine for me to take you as long as Carlisle was allowed to examine you. So I took you here because the pack thought it safer having me and you here. You know, because of carlisle examineing you and all. He got here eight hours after I brought you here, he turned up in a private plane… show off. I'm not sure if I should be the one to tell you what conclusion he came to, because I don't agree with him." I listened carefully and froze at the realisation that he might still be here. And if he's here than maybe the family might be here. And if the family might be here… no he doesn't care if I fainted. He doesn't want me. I need him.

"Is he still here?" I asked a bit more enthuseastic than Jacob had hoped. His face fell. "Jake, I'm sorry, really. It's just that, they were going to be my family and I became attatched to them."

"I just don't know if your'e ready for that. I just need to know your'e okay. Youv'e been so stressed and I was thinking you could use a break. I want to help you Bella, as long as the offer is still available...." He looked broken. As if my pain were his. I needed to fix that, and quick.

I grabbed his hand and he looked down at our hands. Such different shades. As if on cue he looked at me as I looked at him. He was shirtless as usual and I enjoyed the distraction. "The offer is up as long as your willing to take it Jake. You should be looking for someone better than me. But if your happy to take me as mental as I am, then I won't complain." He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear then cupped my cheek. I leaned into the warmth and closed my eyes, content.

"Forever.." he leaned over and whispered.

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